


Interviewers are Dicks.

by dreamofflight



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-06
Updated: 2012-12-06
Packaged: 2017-11-20 11:20:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/584845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamofflight/pseuds/dreamofflight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written because I have feels.<br/>Lots of them.<br/>(and no I don't think they have a relationship in REALITY, I just think it's cute sometimes)</p><p>Based on this video: http://youtu.be/sZfYhll3u4U</p>
            </blockquote>





	Interviewers are Dicks.

The interview was supposed to be short, but Jensen was beginning to regret even agreeing to do it. He didn’t like the interviewer, even though normally he knew that he would find her nice enough, she had an honest face and a sweet laugh…it’s just that right now, he had other things on his mind. More important things, life changing things, things that deserved his full attention even if there was nothing he could do about them….Jared’s voice once again breaks into his thought process.

“…Lost so many friends in the last 6 years, fellow hunters, and now we’ve lost our angel….”

‘Our angel’, the words repeat in his head on a loop, and Jensen’s chest tightens again, and not from how he’s holding his arms crossed over it. No, this is inside, the sharp, painful ache that happens daily now, thinking about Misha being gone from the set, from Castiel being written out. Jared’s voice fades into the background as he struggles to maintain control over his emotions, inwardly berating himself ‘don’t cry, come on man, they’re fucking filming you, hold it together Jensen!’.

The interviewer’s voice breaks through his concentration once again.

“So what’s it like not having that diva Misha Collins on set?”

Jensen can feel Jared shrug beside him, his voice flat when he speaks.

“Great.”

Jensen would smile at how obvious Jared’s being, how pissed he is about the question, but he’s feeling it as well, wanting to reach over and smack the camera out of the woman’s hand, pissed that she would bring it up even though he knew coming in that they would.

“It’s fantastic,” he says instead, “It’s like a breath of fresh air.”

Jared takes a deep breath beside him, playing along, and says “Yeah…” with a mocking fondness that Jensen can’t help but smile, so glad that Jared’s there, playing along, supporting him without even knowing it.

“We miss him, I mean…I was, being facetious, but…”

Jared keeps talking but once again Jensen’s chest tightens, his fingers gripping his arm just a bit, swallowing down the thickness in his throat as for the fifth time today he feels the burning sensation start again behind his eyes, and he has to blink it away, adjusting his body weight shifted foot to foot, arms down at his sides to hide how much his fists want to clench.

“…angels now?! What’s going on with Supernatural? But then…we went, full force into it as Supernatural does and then to pull back out of it as Supernatural does, it’s kinda-”

Jared’s babbling as he does when he’s nervous, Jensen can tell, and he swallows down the thickness in his throat, knowing he’ll have to save him once again before he just keeps talking talking talking- but he doesn’t know if he can, the way his chest won’t stop tightening, his eyes burning painfully with the tears that are threatening to fall always at the wrong moments, always when he can’t be alone in his trailer, clutching a pillow and indulging in some self pity that he won’t be able to sneak kisses with Misha behind sets, giggling like two teenagers. They won’t be able to sneak into each other’s trailers anymore, just to fall asleep curled up like two parentheses next to one another, Misha holding his hand, their fingers loosely intertwined. He won’t wake up to those enormous blue eyes gleaming at him, followed by that dimpled smile and a whisper of ‘Hey gorgeous’ in that Castiel voice that Misha knows makes him all kinds of aflutter….that was over now. Jensen’s breath hitches in his throat and he has to stop thinking, has to focus on something else, but it’s too late, the burning has turned to the start of tears-

“-hitting the breaks, then jamming the throttle, then hitting the breaks, then jamming the throttle – it’s..”

Jensen wipes away the tear that almost threatened to fall, quickly, disguising it as an itch and praying that it would be taken as such by the camera, that the tear wouldn’t somehow catch the light and reveal what he was hiding from the world- just how shattered and distraught Misha leaving was making him.

He can’t take Jared’s babbling anymore- he’s not saying the right things, it’s not enough. He scrubs at his eye as he speaks up.

“..-It’s-it’s, yeah, it’s a big loss, it’s especially, not just for- you know- the storyline, and the show and the characters, but-

Jared breaks in, trying to lighten the mood.

“-For our time off?”

Jensen can’t help but grin, “Yeah-..also for carrying the weight of the show- uh…”

He looks away from the camera, up, trying to stop the sensations rolling through him, how he just wants to shout that this is the worst possible thing, and the writers were wrong and they NEEDED Castiel on the show, and he hated hated hated it all- but he doesn’t, he controls himself-

“…Misha was part of the family-”

No, that’s wrong….

“- he still is part of the family…and he’s not totally gone, we don’t know exactly, how that’s gonna play out, but…there is, uh…”

He realizes he’s talking with his hands, something he does when he gets nervous, and Jared’s gone practically silent behind him, the jerk-, so he fumbles on.

“..his character’s definitely taking some big hits- and will continue to take some hits so, uh, where that- where the pieces fall with we’re not quite sure, but-”

For once Jared rescues him, speaking up, and Jensen’s thankful, because his voice had started doing that monotone it does when he’s afraid of not controlling it, afraid that it’ll break any second, and he has to press his hands together in front of him to stop the trembling he knows will happen if they’re not busy doing something.

“…We also have a saying here, the surest way to come back is to die…so..”

God bless him. God bless Jared. He doesn’t even really know what that means to Jensen, but he says it, and Jensen’s heart skips a little bit, the idea that they could bring Castiel, and his Misha, back to the set, and back into his life, so easy like that. Not seeing Misha every day was going to be torture, and Jensen wasn’t ready to accept it anymore than Misha had been the last night of filming, when he curled up next to Jensen and they laid there in silence facing one another eyes open and looking for hours, just gently touching one another, soft kisses on finger tips and eyelids, breathing in one another’s scent like they would never again have this chance.

“That’s true..yeah…you’re never really dead on the show.”

“Or go to hell”

The interviewer speaks up, and Jared smiles.

“Yeah, exactly, come right back!”

Jensen can’t help but smile as well, his shoulders feeling like a weight was lifted from them at the idea he hadn’t really let himself dream of in the last few weeks….that Misha could come back.

“Or heaven, anywhere you go…there’s always a way back…”, ‘to me’, he thinks,

“…to the storyline…” he says.


End file.
